But that’s what it’s been. A really.long.journey.
A whole new world opened for me after seeing Hole at the Moore Theatre in 1993. Being a naive girl from the south, I had never seen anything like Courtney Love. I decided right then… “That’s my sister, she’s singing my song, I’m doing THAT.”
Shortly after, I bought my first guitar and set about learning to play, write songs and sing. In 1999 I released “Beyond Tears” to good reviews and college radio airplay. It was a grungy, loud rock record that I recorded in Seattle with Pat Gray. People were taking to it because it was honest and raw. Good things were happening. I was really happy. I had found my voice. And then, overnight, I threw it away. I cancelled gigs and walked away. Left Seattle.
It didn’t take long after moving to San Francisco in 2000 to realize what I had done to myself. I could barely live in my skin knowing that I threw away the best, most honest thing I had ever done. So I set about chasing the old moment (which was long gone) while trying to create a new one all the while trying to stop time, which was exhausting. This went on for a really long time.
I had a couple of bright spots to keep me going while in San Francisco, but it only led to a second record that, while I’m proud of the work, was just frustrating all the way around. After that…the music just stopped.
Many years have passed during which my musical life, my true voice, seemed as far away as the moon. During this time, so much money spent on false starts, so many disappointments. Then giving up entirely.
So from the time I did myself in in 1998, to now… that’s 20 years. I had no idea it would take so long to get music back, I’m just glad that I just kept trying.